Identity in Him

My best friend from high school made me a canvas and gave it to me after I graduated from dental assisting school. It sits on top of my bookshelf behind some pictures of my family and next to another canvas. It reads:

“It is in Christ, we find who we are and what we are living for.”

I’ve loved it since she gave it to me, but when I glanced at it tonight, the truth of it stopped me in my tracks.

Last Friday, my new little love was born. She came earlier than we were all expecting, but we were all overjoyed with her arrival. I kept her brother all weekend while she and their parents recuperated in the hospital. I was running on empty by Sunday afternoon, trying to get the last few things done before they got home and before I could let myself rest.

Without even realizing it, I was blindsided but what all the Lord has done since I started watching these kids. It came into my mind, that this time 2 years ago, I was only supposed to be watching little man until I had ACL surgery and then look for another dental assisting job. This was only supposed to be a little detour until I found another job. I was still confused, hurt, and a little angry at the time because of the sudden loss of the job I loved. I loved this boy, but I convinced myself that keeping him wasn’t it for me.

But by the grace of God and the people He placed in my life, amidst that hurt and anger, they kept urging me to cling to Him during that time. They kept reminding me that if I clung to Him, He would show me the next steps and where to go. So I did. And so did He. He kept me right where I was. By the time January or February of 2017 came around, questions and comments were constant. “Why haven’t you found something else?” You’re too scared to get a real job, aren’t you?” “Just go back to school and get something better.” “This can’t be it.” And I would try to confidently tell them all that God has me right where He needs me, but that wasn’t good enough for them. So I tried to keep my head down and focus on Him, knowing I was where I needed to be, but it all got louder.

And slowly, without even realizing it until this past Sunday, those people with the comments and questions, quieted down. The comments are few and far between. And tonight, looking at that canvas, those words rang loud and true. In a time where I was lost and confused, wandering aimlessly, trying to figure out who I was and what I was supposed to be, Christ held me close. In the chaos of opinions from every direction, His voice was a beautiful reminder, “Trust me.”

I fall behind a lot. I don’t feel as close to Him as I did during that time. But tonight, with a glance at this canvas, He reminded me how true those words are. In August 2016, I was Katelyn, Dental Assistant, Coffee Lover, Book Worm, Follower of Christ. That was how I identified myself.

In August 2018? Katelyn, Follower of Christ, Keeper of Small Humans, still a Lover of Coffee. My identity was dental assistant. That’s what I would tell people then. That’s what defined my life. But if you ask me now, I’ll tell you that I’m trying my best to live for Christ and Christ alone. It’s not going to always be what everyone else wants from me. It’s not going to go along with my parents wishes or family’s wishes or any earthly thing. But if I know with every fiber of my being that I’m living and doing what Christ would have me, then what does it matter what they say?

Friends, when we follow after Christ instead of the world, drastic and crazy things happen. It doesn’t make sense to others to follow after something that isn’t going to give us satisfaction in the here and now. It doesn’t make sense to suffer in life instead of doing whatever we can to make ourselves happy. Because after all, this is the only life we’ve got, right? As followers of Christ, we know that our lives are hidden in Christ. We know that what matters now is that we spread Christ to any and everyone we meet. We know that our eternity matters so much more than this life we’re living.

So I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to figure out who I am and what I’m living for. And it’s not by anything that I’ve done. It’s through Christ and Christ alone. If He hadn’t flipped my world upside down 2 years ago, I wouldn’t be who I am today. If He hadn’t gone through with His perfect plan, I would still be crying on the phone everyday because of another panic attack, I’d still be in a deep pit of depression, and I wouldn’t be the Katelyn I’ve come to love. I look back on the last 2 years with thankfulness and excitement of all He’s done and all He’s get to do.

Praying for you, sweet friends. Praying you’ll find who you are and what you’re living for. Praying that it’s Christ alone.