This weekend has been all things Royal Wedding and this past week it seems like everyone and their sister is getting engaged. Now I don’t know about the rest of y’all single ladies, but it’s really put me down in the dumps. It’s not that I’m not excited for these people, it’s just that I thought I’d be one of them by now.
If you know me at all, you know that my life hasn’t gone anywhere near according to my plan. I’d always thought I’d find the one in high school, get married a year or two into college, and have a couple of kids by now. When that didn’t happen like I thought, my next thought was that I’d be married by 22. I turn 23 on Tuesday and I have yet to go out on an actual date with a guy.
Normally none of this bothers me, but with all the engagements and weddings and love being everywhere, I almost want to ask, “What gives?” But as I was trying to nap today ( I haven’t slept well for about a week and slept awful last night) I couldn’t get several things off my mind. In December, I wrote a post called “To the Single Christian Girl” and it was just a little advice and some thoughts to my fellow single girls that are trying to faithfully wait on the one that the Lord has for her. This is a bit of a follow up for that. This one’s for the girls that have spent their days in prayer, asking for the Lord to reveal the one He has for them. This one’s for the girls that have repeatedly said to the Lord, “it’s in Your hands, help me to trust You.” yet there seems to still be that daily of struggle of wondering why it hasn’t happened. This one’s for the girls that have spent their days focusing on what God has for them right now, keeping their heads down and doing what He’s called, and then getting knocked to the ground when yet another friend has found their one. I see you, I hear you, I am you.
To the girl praying daily for the Lord to reveal the one: I get it. I pray the same thing. I spend my drives to work praying that the Lord is preparing me for him and him for me, all the while wondering who “he” is. I get it. You’ve got a million different guys in your head thinking that they could be it but next thing you know, their proposing to some girl you’ve never heard of under a gazebo with all of their friends and family around. Suddenly your social media feeds are filled with their wedding hashtags and you’re feeling as low as ever. I see you, I hear you, I am you.
To the girl laying it down at His feet over and over yet still wondering why: I get it too. Every day you lay it down yet pick it back up. Every day you’re asking God to let you be free from the worry but still find yourself questioning Him and His timing. You’re wondering if He’s listening or if He’s playing a bit of a joke. I see you, I hear you, I am you.
To the girl getting knocked down again: I get it more than you know. I know what it’s like to spend your days finally happy with where you are and feeling content, joyful, and loved. But then the next thing you know, another friend has found their person and you’re suddenly back to the place where you tried so hard to get out of. I see you, I hear you, I am you right now.
I am all of these things and more. I try really hard everyday to not let thoughts of the not yet consume my mind. I focus on my job, my family, my friends, and even writing. But out of nowhere the longing for a relationship that leads to marriage hits like a ton of bricks. I want to be a wife and a mother so much that it physically aches at times. And y’all, that happened this week. Everything was fine and then out of no where that desire hit and it took be a few minutes to breathe.
But I was reminded today, as I was walking around the grocery store and then driving home, and over and over today, that who I am in Christ matters so much more that who I am to everyone else. Y’all at the end of our lives the only label that will matter is that we are His. It won’t matter if we were CEO’s, business owners, charity founders, wives, mothers, sisters, or friends. What will matter is who we were and what we did for the sake of Christ and His kingdom.
We can not and will not be good friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, girlfriends, or wives if we don’t know who we are in Him. I can’t be a good friend unless I put Christ first. I can’t be a good daughter if I’m not following my Heavenly Father with every part of me. I can’t be a good sister if Christ isn’t the most important thing in my life. I will never be a good, adequate, loving, or faithful wife, if I am not first and foremost faithful to Christ.
So my fellow single Christian girls, this is my reminder to myself and all of y’all. As much as it aches, as much as we long for the not yet, let’s first and foremost serve Christ. Let’s wait for the man He has for us well. Let’s dive deeper into our relationship with Him, let’s serve the church better, let’s be so on fire for Christ and His kingdom that all anyone can see is Him when they’re around us. Don’t stop praying for the one He has for you. Don’t give up hope that it will happen for you one day. Don’t get so caught up in the social media wedding frenzy. Cling to Jesus, y’all. Cling to Him so hard that the only way a guy will get to be with you, is if He’s with Jesus first.
To my single Christian girls, I see you. I hear you. I am you. Keep clinging to Jesus, in prayer, in the word, in worship. I love you. He loves you. And He is all we really need.
“And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.”
Hebrews 6:11-12 ESV
Beauty in the Ashes 