For the past couple of years, I’ve had a theme of the year. This is something I’ve done for myself to keep my focus where it needs to be. I have a whiteboard on my bedroom door and I write a quote or a verse that has to do with the theme. In 2016, my theme was being still. The verse I had written on my board was:
“The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14
I came across this verse on Pinterest, of all places, and when I started reading more of the passage I saw that this verse came from the story about Moses and the Israelite’s crossing the Red Sea. And as I’m sitting here reading it again, I can’t help but think of how much faith Moses had to have to lead these people, who were often times ungrateful and fearful, away from everything they had known, to a land that the Lord had promised them. Moses had to continually remind them that the Lord would bring them through every trial, no matter what they thought. This verse spoke volumes to me as I had been diagnosed with depression two months prior and I needed that reminder that I wasn’t alone. The Lord would continue to care and fight for me when I had no cares and no fight left.
This year my theme is grace. As Christians we hear that word a lot but I don’t know that we’re always good at showing grace towards others. I know I’m not. The word grace came to mind this year when I was thinking about all that God had brought me through in 2016. I was struggling with depression, my best friend got married and moved to Texas, I lost my job, I tore my ACL and had to have reconstructive surgery, another one of my best friends moved to New Orleans with her husband to start a church plant there, and it was just a lot. I spent a lot of 2016 in my room, hiding away from everyone and everything, not letting anything in, and just letting the days go by. But as I was laying in a hammock on a very cold, very wintry, January day, I realized how much grace God had shown me in that last year. Even though all of those things happened, He was still with me through each and every one of them. While I wasn’t always showing grace to others, He was showing it to me.
So this year I’ve tried to make it a point to be more gracious to anyone and everyone. Some days it’s really hard to show grace. Some days I would rather lash out in anger and annoyance at someone and whatever happened than show grace. But because Christ showed grace to us, we need to do the same to others.
Shortly after Mom died, Dad started dating again. He knew that he wasn’t meant to be alone and that Mom wouldn’t have wanted him to be alone, so he started looking for someone. I remember the brat I turned into when he told me he was going on a date. I was LIVID, in every sense of the word. I remember calling my best friend that night in a fit of rage, yelling about how stupid it was that he was dating, and that he should’ve waited longer (It was over a year after she had passed, I was ridiculous). And for years after that, snarky comments were made behind backs, eyes were rolled, disrespect slid of my tongue. I was far from gracious to this new phase of life and to this new woman that my Dad was falling for. It almost seemed to get worse once they got married, not that they were worse, I was. I was becoming a pro at bitterness and hatefulness towards this woman who is doing the unimaginable. This woman is loving a man who is still very much in love with another woman. She was and is choosing to love him despite knowing that if Mom were still here, this wouldn’t be our family situation, they wouldn’t be together. I don’t know if I could do that y’all.
It took me until this year to really understand and try to live out being gracious to my stepmother. We had something happen in our family that none of us saw coming and I got to watch as she stuck by my Dad through some super hard things. I watched as she still loved on him, despite the mistakes that were made, and disappointments that happened, she loved him still. She was the picture of showing grace and love to someone who in the worlds eyes, didn’t deserve it at that time. For the first time since she came into our lives, I was able to hug my stepmother and say, “I love you” and mean it. And y’all, I’m so grateful for her. I was the reason that they didn’t get married until 2013. I was the reason their relationship didn’t move forward for years. And yet, she stayed. She saw something in my Dad and his girls and chose to stay.
I guess what I’m trying to say in all this is that showing grace is hard, but it’s worth it. When someone says things about you to others, things that aren’t true and hurt you, don’t get mad and try to pit others against them. Show them grace. Show them that no matter what, you still love them. Hanging on to bitterness, anger, jealousy, or any other hateful attitude isn’t hurting anyone but yourself, friends. You’ll find that when you choose grace and love towards the ones that hurt or wrong you, eventually they’ll be able to show the same to you. So choose grace, friends. Choose to love others the way that Jesus loves us.
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit-just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call-one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift.”
Ephesians 4:1-7, ESV
Beauty in the Ashes 